What I Would Take With Me

When I visit museums I like to play a little game called “if I could steal anything here, what would it be”. This game is inspired by a similar version that a family friend plays, only in her tamer version she just decides which piece of art she would like to own. When you place it in the context of stealing, many other factors come in to play. You have to realistically think about how you would remove this piece and what you are going to do with it when you leave. Art theft is a wonderfully lucrative business venture, and if one steals the right objects, retirement could be in the near future. I’ve marked my future nest egg investments all over the United States, and our recent trip to the Metropolitan Museum was no exception.

This museum is huge and one can only imagine how much the entire collection, not to mention the building itself, is worth. There is a huge range of art to play sticky fingers with…everything from Roman coins (although, those seem to be mostly behind glass) to huge paintings on canvas. Jordan and I had quite the task in front of us. I am usually a sucker for paintings as I hope to one day hang my walls with a variety of different two dimensional works hung salon style, but this time I was in the mood for some sculpture.




I found all the detached heads of Medieval religious sculptures to be rather appealing, and I don’t think I could be satisfied with just one, so I would have to steal an assortment of them.




Jordan was rather struck by the Met’s armor collection, and decided that he would like to steal an ancient samurai mask. I approve.




If we were some serious and innovative art thieves, I would very much like to steal Anselm Kiefer’s Bohemia Lies by the Sea. We’ll have to work up to it.